But I'm not.
Instead I'm reading the juicy details about domestically violent Chris Brown!
According to FOX 11 in Los Angeles, which claims to have obtained the notes from a search warrant in the case, Rihanna, 21, read a lengthy text message from a woman on Brown's phone, which led to an argument. Brown – who has a standing court date Thursday – allegedly tried to force his girlfriend out of the Lamborghini, and hit her head against the passenger window.I'm withholding commentary because I'm sure I'll offend somebody. (And like Lucile Bluth, I get off on being withholding...)
Brown, 19, then punched the singer while still driving, according to the detective's notes, and blood filled Rihanna's mouth. He allegedly told her, "I'm going to beat the ---- out of you when we get home." Rihanna called her assistant and left a message saying, "I am on my way home. Make sure the cops are there when I get there." The police notes say that prompted Brown to reply: "You just did the stupidest thing ever. I'm going to kill you."
The report also says that Brown bit Rihanna and put her in a headlock, and that she almost lost consciousness.