Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Bitch, Sans The Red Bow.

If I were to die tonight, I'd die a fully complete man. I just witnessed perhaps the greatest show of my life.

I live on a one way street, and while walking along this narrow road, a crusty old van dashed by and ran a stop sign. The driver who was cut off, a rather large black woman with a red bow in her hair, didn't take well to this. I saw the expression on her face, and then watched in amazement as she proceeded to roll down her window to shout at the perpetrator. "YOU NO-GOOD #@^#%#@$!!! I OUTTA KILL YOU, YOU @*&^%$!!!"

Yeah. Something like that.

Suddenly the guilty driver, also a big black girl (sans the red bow), slammed on her breaks, rolled down her window and began shouting back at her.

That's when it got crazy.

Still sitting in the comfort of their own car, the two girls screamed every slanderous word you could imagine at each other. (I quickly learned that "fuck" can be used as any part of speech.) The two bitches were shouting so many obscenities that even I felt violated.


The bitch sans the red bow who ran the stop sign put her van into reverse and began to spin the Dodge Caravan around IN THE MIDDLE OF A ONE WAY STREET. She was going back and fourth between drive and reverse every 4 seconds so she could pull her van RIGHT UP BESIDE THE BITCH SHE WAS SCREAMING AT. Nope, neither of them were going to get out of their cars. They were just fine verbally mutilating each other while the A/C blew on them and the radio lingered in the background.

I don't think I've ever been more proud to be an American.