Instructions Fail.

Because That Was My First Inclination....

A Way to Ruin Valentine's.

Look, I'm all up for romance, but nothing will make it go soft like this piece of work:



"Baby, let's make a really ugly baby together. Or we could just eat this one." ~ Cake Wrecks

The Love of God Kills 100,000.

You've got to be fucking kidding me. Pat Robertson blames the loss of 100,000 Haitians on the wrath of God. Because they're vile heathens who don't worship Jesus. Does he need the ratings that badly?

Oh That Love of Christ!

Always a friendly bunch, those non-judgmental Christians!

After What We Destroyed.

So you know what really grinds my gears? I was thinking about this the other day, and the irony burns. Ever notice that those stupid suburban developments that look like Playdough Cities are always named after what was destroyed in order to build them? Think about it. Their names are always like "Green Meadows" or "Forever Pastures". They thought up those names because of what had to be leveled in order to throw up their cookie cutter houses! Why would we want nature or beauty when we could have an identical copy of all of our neighbors' homes?

Gossip--Chris Brown Punched Rihanna!

I should be working on schoolwork. No, I really really really should be working on schoolwork.

But I'm not.

Instead I'm reading the juicy details about domestically violent Chris Brown!

According to FOX 11 in Los Angeles, which claims to have obtained the notes from a search warrant in the case, Rihanna, 21, read a lengthy text message from a woman on Brown's phone, which led to an argument. Brown – who has a standing court date Thursday – allegedly tried to force his girlfriend out of the Lamborghini, and hit her head against the passenger window.

Brown, 19, then punched the singer while still driving, according to the detective's notes, and blood filled Rihanna's mouth. He allegedly told her, "I'm going to beat the ---- out of you when we get home." Rihanna called her assistant and left a message saying, "I am on my way home. Make sure the cops are there when I get there." The police notes say that prompted Brown to reply: "You just did the stupidest thing ever. I'm going to kill you."

The report also says that Brown bit Rihanna and put her in a headlock, and that she almost lost consciousness.

I'm withholding commentary because I'm sure I'll offend somebody. (And like Lucile Bluth, I get off on being withholding...)

May I Ruin Your Day?

I've found a video that may save you the trouble of getting a haircut. By the end of watching this, you'll have already pulled it all out.

Another Reason to Shame Ohio: Lame Motto.

You know that I'm rather cynical of Ohio. I can't help it. So today when reviewing some of the new labor laws posted at work I noticed something random about this state--our motto. It was listed under "random facts" and I unfortunately learned what it is. Before I reveal it, I'll tell you--It's embarrassing. It makes us Ohioans look foolish and starry-eyed. I'm pretty much ashamed of it.

You ready for it? Literally, here it goes.

"With God, All Things Are Possible."

...

I really have no problems with anyone who wants to believe in an invisible man flying in the sky. Sure, do what you want with your Sundays, no matter how unproductive you spend your time. It's not really hurting others. But do you have to bring me into it? Do you have to bring an entire frickin' state into it, too?

A few other (fake) mottoes I'd be equally upset about: "Massachusetts: Where gays are equal!", "Washington: Atheists are People here, too!", "Montana: Christ Compels Us to Obey His Word!", "Florida: Jews Retire Here!"...hopefully you get my point. It's not the title of 'God' that upsets me, it's that enforcement of one's particular viewpoint thrown onto every single person. A state motto should represent the WHOLE population, and a motto like this marginalizes people into two categories: the yays and nays. Even though a huge portion of this state does not believe in God, they must now accept that the only way anything is possible is through God. Does that mean us Atheists have no ability to do anything? What about Jews, Hindus, Buddhists; is their deity the same "God" whom all things are possible through?

Yet another reason I am so glad to be moving from this God-awful place. With that said, here is a map of all the state mottos. Pretty cool, huh? And Minnesota..."The North Star". Sure beats the bullshit we have here in Ohio.


(Click to embiggen)

P.S. I like Texas'. It's cute!

Probably Not The Selling Point.

According to the article, "Butt" refers to a container to fetch water from a well.

Right......

Don't Try This At Home.

So I definitely made myself eat a big peanut butter and jelly sandwich yesterday. Who cares if people are dying? I want to live life on the wild side! It's like a game of Russian Roulette where I most likely will win!

Commercial Fail.

Last night I saw a commercial for "LovLube" which featured a Santa seducing a girl with a bottle of lube. LovLube's slogan?

"It's not just lube...it's love in a tube."

Classy, America. Real classy.

More Uselss Google Apps!

You ready for this one? A country-wide flu detector.




I love Google, but I find this utterly useless. "Hey, guess what? When Decemeber comes around, people get the flu more often. Big revelation!"


But, err, thank you?

My Halloween Costume.

Ok, you get to see the pic on one condition--that you don't judge me! And if you can't figure out who I am, I'm not going to help you... ;-)

Worst Costume Idea. EVER.

On Halloween I had a friend tell me they saw someone dressed as Jennifer Hudson's mother.

THAT IS JUST WRONG!!!!

But I still laughed.

Oldie and Beefie.

Did you guys hear that John McCain and Arnold Schwarzenegger are having a rally in Columbus today?

Something about the couple seems...odd.

My Trip to The Creation Museum.

You won't believe me, but I went with an open mind.

First off, The Creation Museum is located about 30 minutes west of Downtown Cincinatti, in a field off a small country road. Before I drove through the gates, I had to have the right intro music. I could have thrown on some loud heavy metal music, only to further the stereotype of atheists as goth baby eaters; I also could have thrown on some flaming remix of a Cher or Abba song, only to notify the security guards that a homosexual was about to infiltrate. But, instead, I searched within the crypts of my iPod and found CeCe Winans' Anybody Wanna Pray With Me?. For a museum in Kentucky, I'm sure I offended somebody.

The parking lot had hundreds of spots, but maybe 40 cars. As my friend and I parked the car, a tractor giving hay rides came chugging by us. A few kids and their grandparents rode, but that was about it. As we found our way to the entrance, no one but a perky security guard was standing out front. By his side was an adorably lazy bloodhound named Mater.

The museum itself was somewhat unsatisfying. At only 70,000 square feet, the structure could hardly be called enormous. In addition, for being The Creation Museum, I expected a big sign yelling its name; instead, there was just a small marquee above the door. It was so forgettable I didn't even take a photograph.

The entrance is completely unadorned. Unlike stepping into the Smithsonian's Natural History museum, where you are greeted by the awe-inspiring and intimidating Tusked Elephant, you walk in and there is a small concession stand selling tickets. Of course there wasn't a line. Heck, there wasn't a soul in the whole place besides us!

After buying out tickets, we went in to the small movie theatre showing "MIW: Men in White". There were about 50 seats; four were taken, two of those being my friend and I. "Men in White" starred two angels (neither who looked like Will Smith or Tommy Lee Jones) sent to counsel a girl questioning her faith. To put it kindly, the bad acting and even worse special effects came alongside an interactive theatre that violently shakes your chair, spits water in your face and blows a fan through your hair. The gimmicks coincided with the biblical stories of the creation and the flood, but instead of providing some eye-opening experience, it just made me laugh. While God was busy killing off millions of his own creations, I couldn't stop the hysteria of watching an angel wear a raincoat and having squirts of water splash onto my forehead. At one point my friend leaned over and said, "This is so bad you'd think it was a parody on The Daily Show".

We left the theatre and made way for the actual exhibit. It should be noted that The Creation Museum, unlike any respected museum, really isn't the kind that has seasonal exhibits. Instead, they only feature (for $21.95) the biblical journey of creation! It's a tour of small rooms that clearly were thrown together on a budget, each room a different theme. The exhibit progresses with little-to-no actual science, though jam-packed with plenty of wild assertions. Any philosophy major would have a heart attack over the innumerable amount of fallacies. I lost count of how many times I read claims such as, "The evidence suggests...", yet none of the supporting evidence was shown. For example, a claim was that, "The Evidence suggests Lake Hopi was formed after The Great Flood". Yet, after searching the whole museum, there wasn't an inch of this so-called evidence, not even a reference!

Another claim with no evidence was that radioisotope dating is completely unreliable because it is "hundreds and hundreds of assumptions that are based on assumptions that come from other assumptions". Of course they did not explain what radioisotope dating is, nor did they explain what these so-called assumptions were, nor did they even make a stab in the dark at it. All they said was, "It's wrong and can't be trusted".

In the entire museum, there was not a single fossil. There was a replica of one fossil, Archaeopteryx, but even that replica didn't focus on the science--instead the supporting plaques spewed out the same hackneyed conspiracy of how this was a made up fossil.

There was an entire room devoted to "same evidence, different perspectives", saying that both creationists and scientists study the same evidence, but Creationists instead come with the belief that the bible is 100% accurate, and thus they make science fit its way into that mold. Unlike scientists, who continually question everything and do everything within their will to remain objective, these Christians admittedly are perfectly fine with their bias and would rather manipulate evidence than question a text written by cavemen. So much for that pesky scientific method.

Each room was a yawn at best, carrying the silly idea of Adam and Eve coinciding with dinosaurs, who just "naturally went extinct". (All of them.) There were plaques quoting scripture and somehow trying to connect the verses to modern day scientific explanations of natural phenomena. And of course, the grand canyon came from the flood. Their proof? Well, Mount St. Helen's changed after the volcano eruption, and thus it's possible for a few days of rain to create an overwhelming canyon so vast it has the world standing in awe. Riiight.

My expectations couldn't have been lower. I know the mentality of fundamentalists; I used to be one. But even I was surprised at the utter disgrace that is The Creation "Museum". There was no science, no sense, nothing to be impressed by, and it was over in less than an hour. Even the dinosaurs, supposedly the greatest draw, were nothing I haven't seen in an aisle at Wal-Mart. As a student I fortunately only had to pay $8, but even that was a ripoff. I wanted to dearly apologize to the family of five I saw who no doubt paid $109.75 plus tax!

Fellow atheists, learn from my mistake: there is absolutely, positively nothing about this debacle that is worth seeing. This is not like Expelled where you should see it just so you can say you know first hand how bad it is. No. Instead, The Creation Museum is kind of like choosing between a white wedding cake or one made entirely out of horse shit. Sure, people always like more options, but sometimes its better just to trust common sense and admit that you don't have to test an idea to know it's a bad one.

Pissed off at having to spend $16 in order to possibly lose IQ points, my friend and I hopped back into my car, plugged my iPod in, and found the perfect song for my getaway. With stellar efficiency, Fergie's Glamorous blared out the windows, and the line "If you don't got no money take your broke ass home" seemed to fit so well, because after being robbed by The Creation Museum, I had no problem heading home and far, far away from that awful "museum".

The Alive Should Be Dead!

Is The Alive considered a serious news source, or even a readable paper? I'm literally angered by their "interview" with Cameron Mitchell. What a load of crock! They asked questions like, "What did you eat last night" and "what's your favorite beer label". Who was the interviewer and is he collecting unemployment yet?

When speaking with Columbus' most well-known and successful restaurateur, the possibility of questions are endless. But really:"what's your favorite food and wine pairing"? "How often do you cook"? These are the best they could ask?!

Hey, "writer" for The Alive, I have a question for you--Is this journalism for the local High School Newspaper?

More Whores = Less Rent.

If you're anything like me, you've had difficulty paying your rent. Living in the city is never a cheap thrill, and it's not helped by the rising costs of gas, housing, food, tuition and anything else that has a dollar sign in front of it. Why, sometimes it's so disheartening that you'd want to just throw up your hands and say 'to hell with it'!

Well, don't throw in that towel quite yet, friend. Thanks to a new social experiment in Tel-Aviv, you just may be able to drive down your neighborhood's property value and thus make your rent as cheap as a bag of old potatoes. What is this great program I speak of? Well, it's quite simple and one which the whole community can get involved! Just order these cardboard Hookers and litter them all over your neighborhood! Scatter them at every corner that is visible! Make it known--whores own this town!



Tell your friends! Tell your family! Tell everyone you can--Hookers have taken over your neighborhood! Scare the people away and watch your rent plummet like it's the stock price of Enron. It will be mere hours before you live in a ghost town and your landlord is begging you to keep paying his salary. And once word is out that prostitutes infest your neck-of-the-woods, just head back out and tally up those cardboard whores! And then suddenly...voila! You yet again have a clean neighborhood, your rent has dropped and you scared away any potential new neighbors. Does it get any better than this?

(Via IsThisStupid?)

Lord Hall: Say Your Prayers.

The Ohio State University was recently faced with a "tough" decision: to repolish or demolish.

Well, that was easy. BOMB THE SUCKER!

Lord Hall and Brown Hall are on the list of buildings to get axed, and I just received an e-mail saying they are headed for the guillotine right after summer quarter ends. The 100 year-old buildings are being canned to fit in exactly what makes a college campus even more beautiful--another parking lot!

(How many times have you graced the serene fields of knowledge and thought, "Why, this campus would be nothing without all of these fine parking lots! Nothing!"?)

Yup, those walls that have heard enough lectures they could probably teach one or two are being sliced up and shipped off so that even more students can continue in the subtle crime of driving from their suburban apartments to their inconveniently located college campus. (What? You mean we have to actually walk across The Oval? Why can't they provide us with Segways?)

On the one hand, I understand. Brown Hall is vacant. But at the same time, if you're going to pull the plug on two Historic buildings, give us something better than a parking lot and some green space!

Say goodbye while you can. They buildings will be shut down by September.

*UPDATE*
I just spoke with Kristin Poldemann, the Project Manager for these two buildings, and she confirmed that both are being deconstructed this month. She said that Brown Hall has been vacated and has already begun the process, with Lord Hall finishing by the end of the month (maybe early next month, she said). She also said that anywhere between 80-90% of the buildings will be recycled.

She also told me that in place of Lord Hall will not be a massive eye-sore of a parking lot like The Lantern reported back in February. Instead, it will be a small parking area with metered parking and parking for special needs students. She said they are looking to have about 16 spaces for ADA students and a few metered spaces for visitors.

The claim is a far different cry from what The Lantern seemed to suggest. She also said that a new building will eventually be built, though that would be many, many years away.

How to Ruin Your Baby's Life.

Too poor for a real Pony?



Thanks Po-knee!

...

Ok, is this toy for the baby--or for creepy pedophile in the corner?