Praise Jesus! I'll Give Him a 50!

One time growing up my parents took me to this church back in the DC area; I think it was called Emmanuel Church or something. Anyway, it was a sermon very similar to the stuff in this video, and I remember the preacher ended by saying, "I won't end this service until someone writes me a $2,000 check."

Needless to say, seconds later someone walked down and wrote him a $2,000 check.

Priests' Molestation Just "Fatherly Behavior".

I'm disgusted with religion. One glance at this blog and that becomes immediately apparent. But what disgusts me even more is the flagrant misuse of authority as means to sexually abuse children under the guise of the "love of Christ". Story after story hits the press about priests abusing children, pastors molesting little girls, altar boys masturbating in front of the arch bishop...and yet the deluded minds of their followers do nothing. (Actually, instead of nothing, they willfully act to cover up the abuse and sweep the vitriol under the carpet as if it were bit of dust at the end of a long day.)

And here we get a story of not only covering up the sexual abuse, but actually going as far to give it a new euphemism--"intimate, fatherly behavior".

Last week, around 20 former students claimed they had been sexually abused by two teachers at the school, Wolfgang S. and Peter R. The abuse is believed to have been committed during the 1970s and 1980s.

'Nothing To Apologize For'

After being contacted by SPIEGEL, one of the former teachers admitted he had abused some of his students. Wolfgang S., a former sports teacher and Jesuit priest, issued a statement to his victims stating it was "a sad fact that I abused children and young men under pseudo-educational pretexts." The churchman, who today lives in South America, said that he had informed regional Catholic authorities in Germany in 1991 of his "criminal past." He claims the Jesuit priests had known for 19 years about the multiple incidents of abuse.

Stefan Dartmann, the Catholic Provincial Superior for Germany, confirmed to SPIEGEL that the order has knowledge of the crimes that had been committed by Wolfgang S. at the time. Dartmann said a lawyer had been hired to investigate the files "to determine what, exactly, the Jesuits knew at the time and what consequences they drew." Wolfgang S. left the order in 1992. Previously, he is also believed to have abused pupils at other schools, but he refused to comment on those allegations.

In addition to his time at the Berlin school, he worked at the Sankt-Ansgar School in Hamburg and at the Sankt-Blasien school in the southern Black Forest region from 1982 to 1984.

'Intimate, Fatherly Behavior'

The then-director of the school, Father Hans Joachim Martin, said that S.'s "intimate, fatherly behavior" towards some schoolchildren had attracted his attention. S. was later forced to leave the high school.

S. also claimed he had told the Vatican about his misconduct. In his statement, he says that he had provided testimony to the Vatican with "unvarnished honesty." And in South America, he had "again and again come into close contact with the torturers and victims" of the Pinochet dictatorship. "I was confronted with my mirror image as a tormenter of children," he said.

Several victims expressed their outrage over the tone of his statement. In the document, dated Jan. 20, S. addressed "all the people who I abused as children and in their youth." He added, "I'm sorry for what I did to you. And if you are capable, I ask you to forgive me." But he also told SPIEGEL: "I have come clean about my past to God and the world."

The second man alleged to have abused children at the school is a 69-year-old former religion teacher from Berlin, Peter R., who has disputed all allegations. SPIEGEL could not reach R. for comment by press time on Friday or on subsequent attempts on Monday. After his time at the school in Berlin, R. apparently worked as a pastor with young people in the state of Lower Saxony. He was reportedly the victim of a knife attack by a former Canisius College student several years ago.

Another chronic story of sexual abuse in the church, another generation of children who grew into adulthood with continual fear, humiliation and self-loathing. And when a story like this comes to light--20 years of acknowledged abuse--the response from the church is to give it a casual re-wording, as if it were only a misguided form of affection, not conscionable molestation. Shame on you, Catholic Church.

The Fresh Prince Needs Salvation!

This was a genuine letter from a lost soul...and the guy wouldn't even respond to him! Oh, that love of Christ is so unforgiving sometime...

Yes, Jesus Can Save you from Vampires!

I believe, I believe! I do believe in Jesus! Why? Because He raised this woman from the dead! SHE'S TELLING THE TRUTH, TOO! The vampires took out her lungs but Jesus SAVED HER!!!



Praise His holy name! A lie would never be told on the internet! Never!

The Love of God Kills 100,000.

You've got to be fucking kidding me. Pat Robertson blames the loss of 100,000 Haitians on the wrath of God. Because they're vile heathens who don't worship Jesus. Does he need the ratings that badly?

The Act of Praying is Simply Bizarre.

So it goes kind of like this. You close your eyes, sway your head around, and it seems like the more emotion you flesh out in your verbiage the more likely "god" will answer your appeal. But to me, it just looks like utter insanity. I haven't said a prayer once in the past four years, and yet my life maintains itself in the same way as it did when I prayed to "god" incessantly. Actually, I may argue that in fact it's gotten better. Instead of waiting on some invisible man in the sky to fix my problems, I realize that I am in control of my life, my actions and my destiny, and thus it is up to me to get shit done, not some invisible deity who feels like playing his interactive version of The Sims.

Anyway, all this to say, here is our American Government hard at work...praying. They've forgone actual debate and thrown their hands up to the heavens begging "Father God" to annihilate health care reform. Because, of course, Jesus wouldn't want the poor and disadvantaged to receive treatment and care for their illnesses. Nope, that's just not Christian.

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Oh That Love of Christ!

Always a friendly bunch, those non-judgmental Christians!

Are You on...THE LIST?

I can't remember if I ever posted this on FITC, so here it is. (Again?). It NEVER gets old though!

Prayer Dilemma.

There is a Christian dilemma I'd like to put before you. If you can, please help me understand.

• Christian prays for X to happen, and it happens. Christian praises God.
• Christian prays for X to happen, and it does not happen. Christian says, "No one knows the mind of God."
• Christian prays for X NOT to happen, and it happens. Christians says "God works in mysterious ways.
• Christian prays for Gay Marriage not to happen, and it happens. Christian says, "AMERICA IS DOOMED!!! The end of the world is near!"

Help me out here. Why is it that when God doesn't answer their other prayers they embrace humility and accept that they don't understand anything, yet when Barack Obama gets into office or gay marriage passes they say the end of the world is coming? If there were a God, wouldn't he have more power over Barack Obama and Gay Marriage than you finding a close parking space in the Wal-Mart parking lot? Wouldn't the prayers over national sovereignties be at the top of God's prayer list?

So if God really exits, and he really is listening to everyone's prayers...could it be possible that this is his answer? Is it really a terrible assertion that maybe, just maybe, God DID answer their prayers?

The notion of a God is utterly insane to me. But, to those who do believe in God, why don't you take a step back and seriously ask yourself this question. Why don't you truly ponder that if there be a God, he is in control and has allowed this to happen for a reason.

But then again, that would mean they'd have to love their neighbor as themselves. That would mean that the enemy they've created ("the left", "the liberals", "the homosexuals", "everyone-else-that-doesn't-think-like-me") are actually real people. That would mean they'd have to pray for them just like they pray for their children. That would mean they'd have to serve others like they serve yourselves.

I'm amazed at the amount of money and energy the Christian community has spent trying to work against gay rights, democrats and liberals. I wonder how different a country America would be if all that time and devotion had went to solving real problems--homelessness, poverty, starvation, destroyed families, dilapidated school systems, gang wars...think of the millions of commercials that have been aired (at $1,000s per pop) trying to get people to vote to take away Americans' rights. How many families would that have fed? How many children would that have put through college? How many lives could have been turned in a new direction?

Perhaps Christians deserve the answer they got. Perhaps they need to realize that holding signs such as "Fags Go to Hell" will not turn people towards their God. Maybe they need a wake-up call. And hopefully this wave of political change will be that call.

Overheard in a Restaurant.

Not my restaurant, but still the greatest thing ever.

Two women sitting in a restaurant, bibles on their table.

Lady 1: Well it just seems so wrong.
Lady 2: Well if you're happy though that's what matters
Lady 1: I think I should tell my husband I'm having an affair though...
Lady 2: I'm sure it will all work itself out. It's Gods Will.
Lady 1: You're right I should just follow His plan.
Lady 2: :reassuring smile:

Oh, the love of Christ.

Another Reason to Shame Ohio: Lame Motto.

You know that I'm rather cynical of Ohio. I can't help it. So today when reviewing some of the new labor laws posted at work I noticed something random about this state--our motto. It was listed under "random facts" and I unfortunately learned what it is. Before I reveal it, I'll tell you--It's embarrassing. It makes us Ohioans look foolish and starry-eyed. I'm pretty much ashamed of it.

You ready for it? Literally, here it goes.

"With God, All Things Are Possible."

...

I really have no problems with anyone who wants to believe in an invisible man flying in the sky. Sure, do what you want with your Sundays, no matter how unproductive you spend your time. It's not really hurting others. But do you have to bring me into it? Do you have to bring an entire frickin' state into it, too?

A few other (fake) mottoes I'd be equally upset about: "Massachusetts: Where gays are equal!", "Washington: Atheists are People here, too!", "Montana: Christ Compels Us to Obey His Word!", "Florida: Jews Retire Here!"...hopefully you get my point. It's not the title of 'God' that upsets me, it's that enforcement of one's particular viewpoint thrown onto every single person. A state motto should represent the WHOLE population, and a motto like this marginalizes people into two categories: the yays and nays. Even though a huge portion of this state does not believe in God, they must now accept that the only way anything is possible is through God. Does that mean us Atheists have no ability to do anything? What about Jews, Hindus, Buddhists; is their deity the same "God" whom all things are possible through?

Yet another reason I am so glad to be moving from this God-awful place. With that said, here is a map of all the state mottos. Pretty cool, huh? And Minnesota..."The North Star". Sure beats the bullshit we have here in Ohio.


(Click to embiggen)

P.S. I like Texas'. It's cute!

Kentucky Protected By God.

Sometimes it is just agony to read the news. It is so bad that my wall has filed a complaint about the constant banging it receives every time I open a newspaper. It's embarrassing enough to be an American, but I'm utterly ashamed that I live within driving distance of this pitiful place called "Kentucky". I say this because, since 2006, the state of Kentucky has listed "Almighty God" as their ultimate defense against terrorism.

No, really. I'm not joking. Screw the Department of Homeland Security, we got an invisible man to protect us!

Under state law, God is Kentucky's first line of defense against terrorism.

The 2006 law organizing the state Office of Homeland Security lists its initial duty as "stressing the dependence on Almighty God as being vital to the security of the Commonwealth."

Specifically, Homeland Security is ordered to publicize God's benevolent protection in its reports, and it must post a plaque at the entrance to the state Emergency Operations Center with an 88-word statement that begins, "The safety and security of the Commonwealth cannot be achieved apart from reliance upon Almighty God."

State Rep. Tom Riner, a Southern Baptist minister, tucked the God provision into Homeland Security legislation as a floor amendment that lawmakers overwhelmingly approved two years ago.

As amended, Homeland Security's religious duties now come before all else, including its distribution of millions of dollars in federal grants and its analysis of possible threats.

The time and energy spent crediting God are appropriate, said Riner, D-Louisville, in an interview this week.

"This is recognition that government alone cannot guarantee the perfect safety of the people of Kentucky," Riner said. "Government itself, apart from God, cannot close the security gap. The job is too big for government."

Nonetheless, it is government that operates the Office of Homeland Security in Frankfort, with a budget this year of about $28 million, mostly federal funds. And some administrations are more religious than others.

I'm pretty sure my wall just put in its two week notice. "This is NOT what I signed up for!"

Praise Thy Holy Name, Google!

Somewhere on this blog I said I should start a Google church. Turns out, it's already happened.

Is Google God? Here are just three of many proofs that Google is in fact, God.

» PROOF #1

Google is the closest thing to an Omniscient (all-knowing) entity in existence, which can be scientifically verified. She indexes over 9.5 billion WebPages, which is more than any other search engine on the web today. Not only is Google the closest known entity to being Omniscient, but She also sorts through this vast amount of knowledge using Her patented PageRank technology, organizing said data and making it easily accessible to us mere mortals.

» PROOF #2

Google is everywhere at once (Omnipresent). Google is virtually everywhere on earth at the same time. Billions of indexed WebPages hosted from every corner of the earth. With the proliferation of Wi-Fi networks, one will eventually be able to access Google from anywhere on earth, truly making Her an omnipresent entity.

» PROOF #3

Google answers prayers. One can pray to Google by doing a search for whatever question or problem is plaguing them. As an example, you can quickly find information on alternative cancer treatments, ways to improve your health, new and innovative medical discoveries and generally anything that resembles a typical prayer. Ask Google and She will show you the way, but showing you is all She can do, for you must help yourself from that point on.

I guess I'll have to switch to, "Google damnit!" and "Oh, Google!" and "Google Bless you!". I'm ok with that, I'll support it. Praise Google! At least she's done more for me than Jesus ever did.

My Trip to The Creation Museum.

You won't believe me, but I went with an open mind.

First off, The Creation Museum is located about 30 minutes west of Downtown Cincinatti, in a field off a small country road. Before I drove through the gates, I had to have the right intro music. I could have thrown on some loud heavy metal music, only to further the stereotype of atheists as goth baby eaters; I also could have thrown on some flaming remix of a Cher or Abba song, only to notify the security guards that a homosexual was about to infiltrate. But, instead, I searched within the crypts of my iPod and found CeCe Winans' Anybody Wanna Pray With Me?. For a museum in Kentucky, I'm sure I offended somebody.

The parking lot had hundreds of spots, but maybe 40 cars. As my friend and I parked the car, a tractor giving hay rides came chugging by us. A few kids and their grandparents rode, but that was about it. As we found our way to the entrance, no one but a perky security guard was standing out front. By his side was an adorably lazy bloodhound named Mater.

The museum itself was somewhat unsatisfying. At only 70,000 square feet, the structure could hardly be called enormous. In addition, for being The Creation Museum, I expected a big sign yelling its name; instead, there was just a small marquee above the door. It was so forgettable I didn't even take a photograph.

The entrance is completely unadorned. Unlike stepping into the Smithsonian's Natural History museum, where you are greeted by the awe-inspiring and intimidating Tusked Elephant, you walk in and there is a small concession stand selling tickets. Of course there wasn't a line. Heck, there wasn't a soul in the whole place besides us!

After buying out tickets, we went in to the small movie theatre showing "MIW: Men in White". There were about 50 seats; four were taken, two of those being my friend and I. "Men in White" starred two angels (neither who looked like Will Smith or Tommy Lee Jones) sent to counsel a girl questioning her faith. To put it kindly, the bad acting and even worse special effects came alongside an interactive theatre that violently shakes your chair, spits water in your face and blows a fan through your hair. The gimmicks coincided with the biblical stories of the creation and the flood, but instead of providing some eye-opening experience, it just made me laugh. While God was busy killing off millions of his own creations, I couldn't stop the hysteria of watching an angel wear a raincoat and having squirts of water splash onto my forehead. At one point my friend leaned over and said, "This is so bad you'd think it was a parody on The Daily Show".

We left the theatre and made way for the actual exhibit. It should be noted that The Creation Museum, unlike any respected museum, really isn't the kind that has seasonal exhibits. Instead, they only feature (for $21.95) the biblical journey of creation! It's a tour of small rooms that clearly were thrown together on a budget, each room a different theme. The exhibit progresses with little-to-no actual science, though jam-packed with plenty of wild assertions. Any philosophy major would have a heart attack over the innumerable amount of fallacies. I lost count of how many times I read claims such as, "The evidence suggests...", yet none of the supporting evidence was shown. For example, a claim was that, "The Evidence suggests Lake Hopi was formed after The Great Flood". Yet, after searching the whole museum, there wasn't an inch of this so-called evidence, not even a reference!

Another claim with no evidence was that radioisotope dating is completely unreliable because it is "hundreds and hundreds of assumptions that are based on assumptions that come from other assumptions". Of course they did not explain what radioisotope dating is, nor did they explain what these so-called assumptions were, nor did they even make a stab in the dark at it. All they said was, "It's wrong and can't be trusted".

In the entire museum, there was not a single fossil. There was a replica of one fossil, Archaeopteryx, but even that replica didn't focus on the science--instead the supporting plaques spewed out the same hackneyed conspiracy of how this was a made up fossil.

There was an entire room devoted to "same evidence, different perspectives", saying that both creationists and scientists study the same evidence, but Creationists instead come with the belief that the bible is 100% accurate, and thus they make science fit its way into that mold. Unlike scientists, who continually question everything and do everything within their will to remain objective, these Christians admittedly are perfectly fine with their bias and would rather manipulate evidence than question a text written by cavemen. So much for that pesky scientific method.

Each room was a yawn at best, carrying the silly idea of Adam and Eve coinciding with dinosaurs, who just "naturally went extinct". (All of them.) There were plaques quoting scripture and somehow trying to connect the verses to modern day scientific explanations of natural phenomena. And of course, the grand canyon came from the flood. Their proof? Well, Mount St. Helen's changed after the volcano eruption, and thus it's possible for a few days of rain to create an overwhelming canyon so vast it has the world standing in awe. Riiight.

My expectations couldn't have been lower. I know the mentality of fundamentalists; I used to be one. But even I was surprised at the utter disgrace that is The Creation "Museum". There was no science, no sense, nothing to be impressed by, and it was over in less than an hour. Even the dinosaurs, supposedly the greatest draw, were nothing I haven't seen in an aisle at Wal-Mart. As a student I fortunately only had to pay $8, but even that was a ripoff. I wanted to dearly apologize to the family of five I saw who no doubt paid $109.75 plus tax!

Fellow atheists, learn from my mistake: there is absolutely, positively nothing about this debacle that is worth seeing. This is not like Expelled where you should see it just so you can say you know first hand how bad it is. No. Instead, The Creation Museum is kind of like choosing between a white wedding cake or one made entirely out of horse shit. Sure, people always like more options, but sometimes its better just to trust common sense and admit that you don't have to test an idea to know it's a bad one.

Pissed off at having to spend $16 in order to possibly lose IQ points, my friend and I hopped back into my car, plugged my iPod in, and found the perfect song for my getaway. With stellar efficiency, Fergie's Glamorous blared out the windows, and the line "If you don't got no money take your broke ass home" seemed to fit so well, because after being robbed by The Creation Museum, I had no problem heading home and far, far away from that awful "museum".

Quote of the Day.

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." --Galileo Gailiei

I'm always bewildered and perplexed when theists claim that 'god is outside of reason'. If he is, why did he create it? If there be a God, he facilitate a world functioning solely on reason. Think about it. It is the driving force behind every decision. Without reason you would have the mind of a new-born infant, unable to differentiate apples from algebra from axles from alligators. Reason, logic, sense, intellect: they are why humans function beyond the impulses of animals. So if there be a God, why create an entire world trembling on the axiom of reason, then expect human beings to forgo that same axiom when it comes to his existence? Seems a bit unreasonable to me.

The Reason I Don't Believe in God.

Sometimes I'm asked why I don't believe in God. People are just absolutely dumbfounded that I do not believe in any form of higher power. I do not believe in some esoteric form of energy, not some external observer, not a man in the clouds...nothing. I do not believe in any supernatural being whatsoever.

And so people drill me and ask me how I could live without God, how I can look around me and see so much beauty in the Universe and still not see what they see. They ask me to name one reason why I don't believe in God, and my answer is always simple.

Onions. That's right. I do not believe in God because of Onions.

You see, Onions are the oldest vegetable known to man. They are ubiquitous in nearly every culture, therefore finding themselves nestled into every form of indigenous food preparations: they are diced in Mexican salsa, tossed in Asian pan-fried noodles, form the base of Indian curry, are used in nearly all Italian sauces and basically are found the world over. Yet if a God did design onions, the oldest and most widely used vegetable humanity has ever known, why did he do so in such a poor manner? Consider that when you slice an onion, the cells release a toxic gas that forms sulphenic acid. The spontaneous and erratic behavior of this volatile gas eventually strikes the human eye and causes a dampened source of sulfuric acid boiling your eyes away. The nerve endings in the back of your eyes start to burn, and your tear glands react in order to dilute the acid in your eyes. Is this the "ultimate" design of God? Is this the best he can do? I mean, if he really is all-powerful and all-knowing, he should have thought that one out. How could God create an imperative design flaw for the most widely used vegetable in the world?

And then I begin thinking about other vegetables and fruits. Take coconuts. Have you ever tried to cut one? I've used a hammer and a baseball ball yet I still can't figure out how to open one of the damned things. How did God expect his creations to utilize coconuts 5,000 years ago with the limited knowledge they had then? And even if they could cut one of the annoying little brats open, do you see what little substance they provide? They're nearly entirely hollow and are pretty much useless, unless you feel two hours of banging a coconut is worth an ounce of coconut milk.

And then Pineapples! They're all prickly on the outside and they are impossible to open without a knife. Or what about Ginger--have you even seen what a Ginger Root looks like? I'll just throw it out there: PAIN IN THE ASS! Or, Apples--why would God make 4,000 types of Apples? Seems a bit over-the-top, especially since he can't even get Onions right.

Or, he just doesn't exist. I prefer that explanation.