Something Just Isn't Right...

Ouch! For more silly billboards, follow this link...

(Via Joe.My.God)

Genuine Hospitality.

A chunky, bearded-man with a scowl stands at the register counter. His nametag reads "Chaz".

Me: Hi! How are you doing today?
Chaz: ...
Me: ...
Chaz: ... *staring right into my eyes* ...
Me: Well, alright great to hear! May I have a bagel, egg and cheese please?
Chaz: ...
Me: Umm...
Chaz: ...
Me: Err...Bagel, egg and cheese...please?
Chaz: ...Do you mean...an egg and cheese bagel?

No Commentary.

(I think this was secretly me as a child...not lying...)

Drunk and Bitter.

I'm pretty sure that made my day. Where does one find a hat like that? I think I have my Halloween costume DONE.

Facebook in Real Life.

I never saw this, and apparently it's been out for months, but it's still a good laugh. So true.

Disturbing.

This photo is so...weird.

But I just can't stop looking...she's so...creepy...she looks like Heath Ledger's understudy...

Smiling Breakfast.

Can Someone Explain This To Me?

So in today's version of, "Can someone explain this to me," I present to you a road sign from St. Paul, Minnesota. Any idea what the hell it means?

Between "creepy-man-in-black-watches-you-here" and "pedophile-lives-in-this-house", I'm really at a loss. Is it a modern anthropocentric bus stop sign? Could it be a warning of local sex offenders? Maybe it's a way for singles to advertise: "What's missing in my life? A man, that's what!" But lastly...look where that bolt holds the sign to the post--OUCH!

Will Someone Please Explain This To Me?

Giant Spider Invades Liverpool!

You'd think it's a headline from Weekly World News...but it's the truth!



(Thanks Stacy for the link!)

Brain Excercises are "Waste of Time".

Well, darn. All those times I sat drinking bottles of red wine and only breathing through one nostril were for nothing!

Brain exercises, such as those taught to thousands of schoolchildren or advertised on television to adults as a way to prevent dementia, are a waste of time and money, a neuroscientist has claimed.

An award-winning Scottish professor says measures such as breathing through the left nostril, drinking water to increase oxygen supply to the brain, drinking red wine to fend off dementia or listening to classical music to boost performance are little more than myths. Sergio Della Sala has done more than 20 years' research on the brain.

The Professor of Human Cognitive Neuroscience at the University of Edinburgh will next month attempt to expose many of the most common myths in a speech at the university's inaugural Christmas Lecture, when he will become the first recipient of the Tam Dalyell Prize for Excellence in Engaging the Public with Science.

'There are all kinds of myths that surround the brain. Some are passed on in good faith, some are funny and have been made up by pranksters, while others are designed with commercial reasons in mind - these are the most dangerous,' said Della Sala.

He is especially critical of exercises taught to children, which he claims have no bearing on how the brain works and won't improve students' performance.

'Despite how ridiculous many of these exercises are, this is no laughing matter,' argued Della Sala. 'Some of the exercises are so simplistic you wonder whether we have lost our capacity for critical thinking when it comes to education. One of the exercises involves asking kids to breathe through the left nostril so that the air goes up into the right hemisphere and stimulates the right side of the brain to make the kid more creative,' he said.

'A tiny problem in this thinking is that air goes down to the lungs rather than up to the brain. So I think it is safe to say that you can't stimulate the right side of your brain by breathing through your nostril. Besides the idea that the right side of the brain is the creative side is utter nonsense.'

While the brain does have two hemispheres that do different things, the professor said there was no scientific reason to believe that one side is more creative than the other.

He said another popular misconception that had become accepted as fact was that the drinking of water stimulates the brain by allowing it to absorb more oxygen.

'Luckily enough, water never goes up into the brain because if it did we would die,' said Della Sala. 'As for classical music making you cleverer, there is no evidence, and yet it has become a fact in the minds of people.' The professor says his aim is to encourage the public to hold up false statements to proper scrutiny.

'There are advertisements for games which claim they can make your brain perform like a younger person's or you can prevent dementia by gulping down gallons of red wine. Unfortunately these quick fixes just aren't true.

'Another typical myth is that we only use 10 per cent of our brains. Logically that means we can afford to lose the other 90 per cent, but if that was true people who suffer a stroke or head injury wouldn't have any problems. We send teachers on courses to find out how to teach preposterous exercises to children based on flim-flam evidence at a cost of thousands of pounds.

'A lot of these myths take a little bit of science to the extreme, so that the logic disappears. Sometimes this happens in good faith, sometimes it's for fun, and sometimes it's because people make money. Neuroscience has become a popular way for people to make wild irrational claims, and I'm looking to have a go back at these lies.'

Have any of you ever tried silly things to make yourself smarter? Back when I was a Christian I certainly tried praying, but I've noticed the reverse effect. When I prayed in High School, I graduated with a terrible GPA; now that I'm in college and I have never once prayed for assistance, I'm in one of the highest ranked Logistics programs in the country and frequently breezing by my classes. Turns out that studying does a lot more for me than praying!

Kentucky Protected By God.

Sometimes it is just agony to read the news. It is so bad that my wall has filed a complaint about the constant banging it receives every time I open a newspaper. It's embarrassing enough to be an American, but I'm utterly ashamed that I live within driving distance of this pitiful place called "Kentucky". I say this because, since 2006, the state of Kentucky has listed "Almighty God" as their ultimate defense against terrorism.

No, really. I'm not joking. Screw the Department of Homeland Security, we got an invisible man to protect us!

Under state law, God is Kentucky's first line of defense against terrorism.

The 2006 law organizing the state Office of Homeland Security lists its initial duty as "stressing the dependence on Almighty God as being vital to the security of the Commonwealth."

Specifically, Homeland Security is ordered to publicize God's benevolent protection in its reports, and it must post a plaque at the entrance to the state Emergency Operations Center with an 88-word statement that begins, "The safety and security of the Commonwealth cannot be achieved apart from reliance upon Almighty God."

State Rep. Tom Riner, a Southern Baptist minister, tucked the God provision into Homeland Security legislation as a floor amendment that lawmakers overwhelmingly approved two years ago.

As amended, Homeland Security's religious duties now come before all else, including its distribution of millions of dollars in federal grants and its analysis of possible threats.

The time and energy spent crediting God are appropriate, said Riner, D-Louisville, in an interview this week.

"This is recognition that government alone cannot guarantee the perfect safety of the people of Kentucky," Riner said. "Government itself, apart from God, cannot close the security gap. The job is too big for government."

Nonetheless, it is government that operates the Office of Homeland Security in Frankfort, with a budget this year of about $28 million, mostly federal funds. And some administrations are more religious than others.

I'm pretty sure my wall just put in its two week notice. "This is NOT what I signed up for!"

Efficiency.

Well that's one way to take a big load.

One Ugly House.

Wow, what an eyesore.

The Fat Optimist.

Today while walking through Ohio State, I saw a hefty man wearing a shirt that said the following:

"FAT PEOPLE: Hard to Kidnap."

Well that's one way to look at it. Who cares if you'll die 20 years earlier than your life expectancy, at least that large chance of kidnapping is reduced!

Do You Have Any Grey Poupon?

(Via DamnQueerFuck)

PSA From John McCain.

John McCain as a superhero--and not a President--is something I am fine tolerating. ;-)

(Via Grapefeed)

He Said YES!!!

Everyone, Fabulously in the City has hit it big time--it's read by stars!!!

As you may recall, I recently made a totally legit public marriage proposal to the character Ty Williamson in Sordid Lives. Well, that handsome fellow, whose name is Jason Dottley, somehow found this site and guess what--he said yes! Now, minor detail, he didn't acutally say yes to my marriage proposal, he instead said yes to his (now) husband's. Ironically, they were just married yesterday. Looks like my plee for marriage was just a day shy! But who cares?! He said yes to someone, so if he's off the market that's better than him flat out rejecting me. Success! Chris wins the day!

I love the internet. I love it so much.

Speechless.

Usually I have an ease with conversation, but today when the cashier complimented my toilet paper selection, I simply was at an utter loss for words.

My Trip to The Creation Museum.

You won't believe me, but I went with an open mind.

First off, The Creation Museum is located about 30 minutes west of Downtown Cincinatti, in a field off a small country road. Before I drove through the gates, I had to have the right intro music. I could have thrown on some loud heavy metal music, only to further the stereotype of atheists as goth baby eaters; I also could have thrown on some flaming remix of a Cher or Abba song, only to notify the security guards that a homosexual was about to infiltrate. But, instead, I searched within the crypts of my iPod and found CeCe Winans' Anybody Wanna Pray With Me?. For a museum in Kentucky, I'm sure I offended somebody.

The parking lot had hundreds of spots, but maybe 40 cars. As my friend and I parked the car, a tractor giving hay rides came chugging by us. A few kids and their grandparents rode, but that was about it. As we found our way to the entrance, no one but a perky security guard was standing out front. By his side was an adorably lazy bloodhound named Mater.

The museum itself was somewhat unsatisfying. At only 70,000 square feet, the structure could hardly be called enormous. In addition, for being The Creation Museum, I expected a big sign yelling its name; instead, there was just a small marquee above the door. It was so forgettable I didn't even take a photograph.

The entrance is completely unadorned. Unlike stepping into the Smithsonian's Natural History museum, where you are greeted by the awe-inspiring and intimidating Tusked Elephant, you walk in and there is a small concession stand selling tickets. Of course there wasn't a line. Heck, there wasn't a soul in the whole place besides us!

After buying out tickets, we went in to the small movie theatre showing "MIW: Men in White". There were about 50 seats; four were taken, two of those being my friend and I. "Men in White" starred two angels (neither who looked like Will Smith or Tommy Lee Jones) sent to counsel a girl questioning her faith. To put it kindly, the bad acting and even worse special effects came alongside an interactive theatre that violently shakes your chair, spits water in your face and blows a fan through your hair. The gimmicks coincided with the biblical stories of the creation and the flood, but instead of providing some eye-opening experience, it just made me laugh. While God was busy killing off millions of his own creations, I couldn't stop the hysteria of watching an angel wear a raincoat and having squirts of water splash onto my forehead. At one point my friend leaned over and said, "This is so bad you'd think it was a parody on The Daily Show".

We left the theatre and made way for the actual exhibit. It should be noted that The Creation Museum, unlike any respected museum, really isn't the kind that has seasonal exhibits. Instead, they only feature (for $21.95) the biblical journey of creation! It's a tour of small rooms that clearly were thrown together on a budget, each room a different theme. The exhibit progresses with little-to-no actual science, though jam-packed with plenty of wild assertions. Any philosophy major would have a heart attack over the innumerable amount of fallacies. I lost count of how many times I read claims such as, "The evidence suggests...", yet none of the supporting evidence was shown. For example, a claim was that, "The Evidence suggests Lake Hopi was formed after The Great Flood". Yet, after searching the whole museum, there wasn't an inch of this so-called evidence, not even a reference!

Another claim with no evidence was that radioisotope dating is completely unreliable because it is "hundreds and hundreds of assumptions that are based on assumptions that come from other assumptions". Of course they did not explain what radioisotope dating is, nor did they explain what these so-called assumptions were, nor did they even make a stab in the dark at it. All they said was, "It's wrong and can't be trusted".

In the entire museum, there was not a single fossil. There was a replica of one fossil, Archaeopteryx, but even that replica didn't focus on the science--instead the supporting plaques spewed out the same hackneyed conspiracy of how this was a made up fossil.

There was an entire room devoted to "same evidence, different perspectives", saying that both creationists and scientists study the same evidence, but Creationists instead come with the belief that the bible is 100% accurate, and thus they make science fit its way into that mold. Unlike scientists, who continually question everything and do everything within their will to remain objective, these Christians admittedly are perfectly fine with their bias and would rather manipulate evidence than question a text written by cavemen. So much for that pesky scientific method.

Each room was a yawn at best, carrying the silly idea of Adam and Eve coinciding with dinosaurs, who just "naturally went extinct". (All of them.) There were plaques quoting scripture and somehow trying to connect the verses to modern day scientific explanations of natural phenomena. And of course, the grand canyon came from the flood. Their proof? Well, Mount St. Helen's changed after the volcano eruption, and thus it's possible for a few days of rain to create an overwhelming canyon so vast it has the world standing in awe. Riiight.

My expectations couldn't have been lower. I know the mentality of fundamentalists; I used to be one. But even I was surprised at the utter disgrace that is The Creation "Museum". There was no science, no sense, nothing to be impressed by, and it was over in less than an hour. Even the dinosaurs, supposedly the greatest draw, were nothing I haven't seen in an aisle at Wal-Mart. As a student I fortunately only had to pay $8, but even that was a ripoff. I wanted to dearly apologize to the family of five I saw who no doubt paid $109.75 plus tax!

Fellow atheists, learn from my mistake: there is absolutely, positively nothing about this debacle that is worth seeing. This is not like Expelled where you should see it just so you can say you know first hand how bad it is. No. Instead, The Creation Museum is kind of like choosing between a white wedding cake or one made entirely out of horse shit. Sure, people always like more options, but sometimes its better just to trust common sense and admit that you don't have to test an idea to know it's a bad one.

Pissed off at having to spend $16 in order to possibly lose IQ points, my friend and I hopped back into my car, plugged my iPod in, and found the perfect song for my getaway. With stellar efficiency, Fergie's Glamorous blared out the windows, and the line "If you don't got no money take your broke ass home" seemed to fit so well, because after being robbed by The Creation Museum, I had no problem heading home and far, far away from that awful "museum".