Thursday, April 22, 2010
Praise Jesus! I'll Give Him a 50!
One time growing up my parents took me to this church back in the DC area; I think it was called Emmanuel Church or something. Anyway, it was a sermon very similar to the stuff in this video, and I remember the preacher ended by saying, "I won't end this service until someone writes me a $2,000 check."
Needless to say, seconds later someone walked down and wrote him a $2,000 check.
Monday, January 25, 2010
The Fresh Prince Needs Salvation!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Yes, Jesus Can Save you from Vampires!
Praise His holy name! A lie would never be told on the internet! Never!
The Love of God Kills 100,000.
Monday, January 11, 2010
The Act of Praying is Simply Bizarre.
Anyway, all this to say, here is our American Government hard at work...praying. They've forgone actual debate and thrown their hands up to the heavens begging "Father God" to annihilate health care reform. Because, of course, Jesus wouldn't want the poor and disadvantaged to receive treatment and care for their illnesses. Nope, that's just not Christian.
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Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
They Even Rob Their Education!
Right now, in my head, I am hearing his voice say it over and over again. Unnnn...believeable! Unnn....believeable!
Why am I in such a state of disbelief? Because I came across some of the "rigorous" requirements of a certain bible college's classes. What are these awfully difficult class reqs? Well, for a Ph.D level course, 20% of a certain grade comes down to planning a Sunday School lesson. Another, for a Master's course, gives 20% of a students final grade for leaving comments on websites. They even have one unabashedly biased course--"Intelligent Design or Unintelligent Evolution."
What a flagrant perversion of education! What a flippant abandon of the pursuit of truth! Schools like this are just sick, because they are raking in thousands upon thousands of dollars from students, and in return they so horrendously rob them of their education. They hand out unaccredited pieces of paper that are supposed to represent a Bachelor's Degree, but with class selections like this, how can one learn?
I have sat through my fair share of Women's Studies and Sociology classes. Been through my biology, physics and chemistry. Knocked out four classes of Calculus. I have never had a grade handout in college. It has never been easy. But it has rounded me out and opened my eyes to new perspectives and ways of thinking. But if my college degree was based upon the foundation that everyone around me thinks the same way I do, what type of development could I claim? How could I have grown at all?
Specifically one of my professors comes to mind. He was a stout man with a tiny head and huge body. He wore Big Dogs hoodies to lecture. He frequently flirted with the ladies. But his outlook on life was so peculiar and so precise that it forever changed how I read books, how I watch movies and really how I take in anything in life.
I got an A in his class, but it didn't come easy. I read 9 novels, wrote 7 papers (all over 2,000 words), turned in a 20-page thesis paper and didn't miss a single class. There was no extra credit, there weren't take-home exams...and it was a basic GEC! The fact that I have been pushed by my Professors is what has encouraged me to continue to pursue education in every direction I take.
So that is why I am so outraged at this pathetic "institution". (I won't even call it a college or seminary). Writing comments on blogs should never be credit in any college course, much less worth 20% at a Master's level! It is such a disservice to themselves, their students, their institution and even to education itself. I feel horrible for these students. When they graduate they will be no better when they started.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Prayer Dilemma.
- Christian prays for X to happen, and it happens. Christian praises God.
- Christian prays for X to happen, and it does not happen. Christian says, "No one knows the mind of God."
- Christian prays for X NOT to happen, and it happens. Christians says "God works in mysterious ways.
- Christian prays for Gay Marriage not to happen, and it happens. Christian says, "AMERICA IS DOOMED!!! The end of the world is near!"
So if God really exits, and he really is listening to everyone's prayers...could it be possible that this is his answer? Is it really a terrible assertion that maybe, just maybe, God DID answer their prayers?
The notion of a God is utterly insane to me. But, to those who do believe in God, why don't you take a step back and seriously ask yourself this question. Why don't you truly ponder that if there be a God, he is in control and has allowed this to happen for a reason.
But then again, that would mean they'd have to love their neighbor as themselves. That would mean that the enemy they've created ("the left", "the liberals", "the homosexuals", "everyone-else-that-doesn't-think-like-me") are actually real people. That would mean they'd have to pray for them just like they pray for their children. That would mean they'd have to serve others like they serve yourselves.
I'm amazed at the amount of money and energy the Christian community has spent trying to work against gay rights, democrats and liberals. I wonder how different a country America would be if all that time and devotion had went to solving real problems--homelessness, poverty, starvation, destroyed families, dilapidated school systems, gang wars...think of the millions of commercials that have been aired (at $1,000s per pop) trying to get people to vote to take away Americans' rights. How many families would that have fed? How many children would that have put through college? How many lives could have been turned in a new direction?
Perhaps Christians deserve the answer they got. Perhaps they need to realize that holding signs such as "Fags Go to Hell" will not turn people towards their God. Maybe they need a wake-up call. And hopefully this wave of political change will be that call.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Actual Christian Comments from Online Forums.
And people wonder why I think Christianity is a breeding ground for continued stupidity?
(Via Joe.My.God reader Mike)
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Overheard in a Restaurant.
Two women sitting in a restaurant, bibles on their table.Oh, the love of Christ.
Lady 1: Well it just seems so wrong.
Lady 2: Well if you're happy though that's what matters
Lady 1: I think I should tell my husband I'm having an affair though...
Lady 2: I'm sure it will all work itself out. It's Gods Will.
Lady 1: You're right I should just follow His plan.
Lady 2: :reassuring smile:
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Kentucky Protected By God.
No, really. I'm not joking. Screw the Department of Homeland Security, we got an invisible man to protect us!
Under state law, God is Kentucky's first line of defense against terrorism.
The 2006 law organizing the state Office of Homeland Security lists its initial duty as "stressing the dependence on Almighty God as being vital to the security of the Commonwealth."
Specifically, Homeland Security is ordered to publicize God's benevolent protection in its reports, and it must post a plaque at the entrance to the state Emergency Operations Center with an 88-word statement that begins, "The safety and security of the Commonwealth cannot be achieved apart from reliance upon Almighty God."
State Rep. Tom Riner, a Southern Baptist minister, tucked the God provision into Homeland Security legislation as a floor amendment that lawmakers overwhelmingly approved two years ago.
As amended, Homeland Security's religious duties now come before all else, including its distribution of millions of dollars in federal grants and its analysis of possible threats.
The time and energy spent crediting God are appropriate, said Riner, D-Louisville, in an interview this week.
"This is recognition that government alone cannot guarantee the perfect safety of the people of Kentucky," Riner said. "Government itself, apart from God, cannot close the security gap. The job is too big for government."
Nonetheless, it is government that operates the Office of Homeland Security in Frankfort, with a budget this year of about $28 million, mostly federal funds. And some administrations are more religious than others.
I'm pretty sure my wall just put in its two week notice. "This is NOT what I signed up for!"
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Separate And Equal.
Since I am gay and thus a second-class American citizen, I have a proposal. After watching the "love of Christ" in California with the hateful, anti-family, anti-American, bigoted, fear-mongering, deceptive and downright evil Proposition 8, I'll give in--fine. You win. I am just fine being a second-class citizen. I will never ask to be viewed as "equal" in the eyes of the states. I will never fight for my right to marry, or to adopt children, or to serve in the military. I will make my life completely separate from yours.
But I want you to stop living off of the fruits of my labor.
Since you value-voting Christians tell me that I am dirty heathen undeserving of the right to a happy marriage and children of my own, I'm going to stop paying for your schools. I'll do the math and figure out how much Franklin County gives to our schools here, and I'll be deducting that from my taxes. Since roughly 30 million Americans are gay, I doubt the schools will notice the few billion dollars they lose.
Now I work in a restaurant, so if you happen to be in my station, let's work something out from here--don't tip me, because you won't be getting service from me. I will not answer questions about the menu. I will not greet your table. You can get your own drinks. The computer system is pretty easy to navigate, so once you're ready to order just walk up and start punching the items in. (Don't make a mistake, though! You'll have to pay for that if you do.) And there are a few soda machines throughout the restaurant, so you should be fine topping off your own Diet Coke.
When your son knocks on my door and asks me to donate for new uniforms for the basketball team, I hope you'll be prepared to watch the door slam in his face. And when your little Girl Scout tries to sell me cookies, imagine her running back to you crying saying, "He said he won't buy cookies because you hate him!"
Oh, you best believe I won't be buying from them.
Also, as part of this contract, you'll never be able to see a Broadway Show again. Sorry. The symphony is out the window, too. You cannot go to The Ballet, you cannot see Cats for your anniversary again, and you will never be able to even play the Wicked CD in your car. Never. Because, I hope you know, these joys that you delight in are the fruit of gay Americans, and since you do not want to believe those kind of dirty people exist, we'll work it out for you. I'll round us all up and put us on an Island.
We'll call in Manhattan.
You cannot read David Sedaris, Anne Rice, Gregory McGuire, Virginia Woolf, Emily Dickinson, Christopher Rice, Truman Capote, Oscar Wilde or Walt Whitman. You cannot listen to Tchaikovsky, N'Sync, Clay Aiken, The Village People, Luther Vandross, Melissa Etheridge, or Jean Baptiste Lully. And I'm sure Cher and Madonna will make it so you can't listen to their music, either.
Also, do you remember the fundamental Keynes Economic Theory? A major foundation of the American economy? You'll have to give that back, too, since he was a big old fag.
You cannot watch Will and Grace, The Simpsons, Ugly Betty, South Park, Sex and the City, 30 Rock, Arrested Development, Sordid Lives, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Brothers & Sisters, Six Feet Under, Ellen, Dawson's Creek or The View. In fact, you might as well turn off your television and never watch it again, since the gays pretty much run the media too.
And your children can never read Harry Potter, since Dumbledore is gay too.
When you buy your new big house in the suburbs and you're looking for the best interior designers, your quest is going to be awfully long. When you're sick and the Doctor tells you, "so sorry, not you,", it's going to be a painful extra few hours sitting in the waiting room. And if war ever comes to this country, I hope you know, and that your children know, that I will do nothing to help you. I won't sign up to serve and protect you. I won't even shed a tear.
You win. We will leave you alone. Gay America will disappear. This is what you wanted.
Or is it?
Thursday, October 23, 2008
A Correction on Fossils.
So after viewing literally hundreds of these enormous fossils at The Field Museum, I must have missed the one fossil The Creation Museum has of a perch.
The area shows evidence of several large lakes that formed after Noah's Flood.
"I lost count of how many times I read claims such as, "The evidence suggests...", yet none of the supporting evidence was shown. For example, a claim was that, "The Evidence suggests Lake Hopi was formed after The Great Flood". Yet, after searching the whole museum, there wasn't an inch of this so-called evidence, not even a reference!"
So readers, forgive me. The Creation Museum does have fossils. They're small, insignificant, and can only be found when the director takes photos and sends them to you.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
My Trip to The Creation Museum.
First off, The Creation Museum is located about 30 minutes west of Downtown Cincinatti, in a field off a small country road. Before I drove through the gates, I had to have the right intro music. I could have thrown on some loud heavy metal music, only to further the stereotype of atheists as goth baby eaters; I also could have thrown on some flaming remix of a Cher or Abba song, only to notify the security guards that a homosexual was about to infiltrate. But, instead, I searched within the crypts of my iPod and found CeCe Winans' Anybody Wanna Pray With Me?. For a museum in Kentucky, I'm sure I offended somebody.
The parking lot had hundreds of spots, but maybe 40 cars. As my friend and I parked the car, a tractor giving hay rides came chugging by us. A few kids and their grandparents rode, but that was about it. As we found our way to the entrance, no one but a perky security guard was standing out front. By his side was an adorably lazy bloodhound named Mater.
The museum itself was somewhat unsatisfying. At only 70,000 square feet, the structure could hardly be called enormous. In addition, for being The Creation Museum, I expected a big sign yelling its name; instead, there was just a small marquee above the door. It was so forgettable I didn't even take a photograph.
The entrance is completely unadorned. Unlike stepping into the Smithsonian's Natural History museum, where you are greeted by the awe-inspiring and intimidating Tusked Elephant, you walk in and there is a small concession stand selling tickets. Of course there wasn't a line. Heck, there wasn't a soul in the whole place besides us!
After buying out tickets, we went in to the small movie theatre showing "MIW: Men in White". There were about 50 seats; four were taken, two of those being my friend and I. "Men in White" starred two angels (neither who looked like Will Smith or Tommy Lee Jones) sent to counsel a girl questioning her faith. To put it kindly, the bad acting and even worse special effects came alongside an interactive theatre that violently shakes your chair, spits water in your face and blows a fan through your hair. The gimmicks coincided with the biblical stories of the creation and the flood, but instead of providing some eye-opening experience, it just made me laugh. While God was busy killing off millions of his own creations, I couldn't stop the hysteria of watching an angel wear a raincoat and having squirts of water splash onto my forehead. At one point my friend leaned over and said, "This is so bad you'd think it was a parody on The Daily Show".
We left the theatre and made way for the actual exhibit. It should be noted that The Creation Museum, unlike any respected museum, really isn't the kind that has seasonal exhibits. Instead, they only feature (for $21.95) the biblical journey of creation! It's a tour of small rooms that clearly were thrown together on a budget, each room a different theme. The exhibit progresses with little-to-no actual science, though jam-packed with plenty of wild assertions. Any philosophy major would have a heart attack over the innumerable amount of fallacies. I lost count of how many times I read claims such as, "The evidence suggests...", yet none of the supporting evidence was shown. For example, a claim was that, "The Evidence suggests Lake Hopi was formed after The Great Flood". Yet, after searching the whole museum, there wasn't an inch of this so-called evidence, not even a reference!
Another claim with no evidence was that radioisotope dating is completely unreliable because it is "hundreds and hundreds of assumptions that are based on assumptions that come from other assumptions". Of course they did not explain what radioisotope dating is, nor did they explain what these so-called assumptions were, nor did they even make a stab in the dark at it. All they said was, "It's wrong and can't be trusted".
In the entire museum, there was not a single fossil. There was a replica of one fossil, Archaeopteryx, but even that replica didn't focus on the science--instead the supporting plaques spewed out the same hackneyed conspiracy of how this was a made up fossil.
There was an entire room devoted to "same evidence, different perspectives", saying that both creationists and scientists study the same evidence, but Creationists instead come with the belief that the bible is 100% accurate, and thus they make science fit its way into that mold. Unlike scientists, who continually question everything and do everything within their will to remain objective, these Christians admittedly are perfectly fine with their bias and would rather manipulate evidence than question a text written by cavemen. So much for that pesky scientific method.
Each room was a yawn at best, carrying the silly idea of Adam and Eve coinciding with dinosaurs, who just "naturally went extinct". (All of them.) There were plaques quoting scripture and somehow trying to connect the verses to modern day scientific explanations of natural phenomena. And of course, the grand canyon came from the flood. Their proof? Well, Mount St. Helen's changed after the volcano eruption, and thus it's possible for a few days of rain to create an overwhelming canyon so vast it has the world standing in awe. Riiight.
My expectations couldn't have been lower. I know the mentality of fundamentalists; I used to be one. But even I was surprised at the utter disgrace that is The Creation "Museum". There was no science, no sense, nothing to be impressed by, and it was over in less than an hour. Even the dinosaurs, supposedly the greatest draw, were nothing I haven't seen in an aisle at Wal-Mart. As a student I fortunately only had to pay $8, but even that was a ripoff. I wanted to dearly apologize to the family of five I saw who no doubt paid $109.75 plus tax!
Fellow atheists, learn from my mistake: there is absolutely, positively nothing about this debacle that is worth seeing. This is not like Expelled where you should see it just so you can say you know first hand how bad it is. No. Instead, The Creation Museum is kind of like choosing between a white wedding cake or one made entirely out of horse shit. Sure, people always like more options, but sometimes its better just to trust common sense and admit that you don't have to test an idea to know it's a bad one.
Pissed off at having to spend $16 in order to possibly lose IQ points, my friend and I hopped back into my car, plugged my iPod in, and found the perfect song for my getaway. With stellar efficiency, Fergie's Glamorous blared out the windows, and the line "If you don't got no money take your broke ass home" seemed to fit so well, because after being robbed by The Creation Museum, I had no problem heading home and far, far away from that awful "museum".
A Trip.
...wait for it...wait for it...
The Creation Museum.
You'll get a full update later tonight.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
If I Can't Find My Passport, A Shotgun Will Do!
Oh. God. Madness. Utter madness. "Christian nation"?! That woman must have never read that pesky thing, that constitution of ours: "Congress shall pass no law respecting an establishment of religion..."
Why does it always have to be in Ohio? Why am I always so embarrassed of this state?
Thursday, September 25, 2008
I Prefer To Be Called A "Non-Eater".
On top of that, eating is expensive. Have you been to a restaurant recently? (I know I haven't!) Prices are soaring through the roof, and portion sizes aren't looking like it's worth what you're paying (not that I would know, of course).
Eating is also so time-consuming! As a student, I simply do not have three times a day to stop what I'm doing and begin gourging on something that is unnecessary in the first place.
So what did I do? Well, I did what every sane person would do--I stopped eating! That's right, I just shut my mouth and found other things to do. It only took maybe three weeks of involuntarily shaking and chunks of hair falling out before I began to realize that, maybe, eating is necessary.
So when I saw that some loons out in California are going to starve themselves for 40 days in order to "save marriage"...I said, "Well, more power to them! If they can do it, then maybe there is some truth to this non-eating lifestyle. Perhaps I can finally be at my goal weight--67 pounds!" (I know, even that's a bit on the hefty side).
So, Pastors and crazy loons in California, let me know how it goes. I'm currently 150 pounds, but I've always dreamed of being so emaciated I needed help up the stairs. Can you please let me know if after 40 days of fasting you're thin as a rail? Will you look like a crack addict on Sunday? Will you be so thin people will say, "I just loved your work in Schindler's List!"? If any of the above happens, get back to me! I want to be thin enough that Jesus looks beyond the gay thing and finally loves me!
Oh, and if you pass out and die, thus not allowing you to vote for Proposition 8? Well, it's God's Will.
Don't Blame Wall Street...It's the Gays Fault!
- Hurricane Katrina? "Nah, it ain't no natural disaster! God was just trying to kill all dem' homosexuals! All they is is a bunch o' sinners!"
- September 11th? "Oh, no, it wasn't some crazy terrorists who are fed up with the US...it was those hell-bound cock suckers! They did this to America!"
- AIDS? "All those poor innocent Africans dying of AIDS is the punishment of God on the fags! GOD HATES FAGS!"
- National Security? "If gay marriage passes in this nation, you can kiss this nation goodbye!"
Oh. My. Rod. How do these people even function?
Anyway, it hasn't taken long for some whacknut crazy Christian to say that the financial crisis is, too, a fault of the gays. Because that is rational.
I wish I had my old "WWJD" bracelets, because I'd love to send them to this whackjob, Mike Heath. Really, is this what Jesus would do? Really? Spend all your time pointing finger at people who are unlike you? This is what Jesus is like? Wow, really sounds like the kind of guy I'd like to spend an eternity with.
We are all rightly concerned about the nation's financial situation today. Our crisis is a symptom, not the cause.
Ruth Graham told her husband Billy years ago that God would have to apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah if He doesn't judge America. They were reflecting on a list of sinful conditions existing in our nation in the 1960s. Things have only deteriorated since then.
I am not saying I know whether this financial crisis is God's judgment or not. It is not for me to know that definitively. Graham's observations are instructive, however.
If Maine's politicians really want to get serious about making Maine strong in light of this national crisis they will do the following immediately:If we did that in 2009 I think God would crack a smile.
- Put Maine on record as being against abortion the nanosecond the Supreme Court releases the Roe shackle.
- Defund the Family Planning Association of Maine.
- Amend Maine's Constitution to define Marriage.
- Eliminate domestic partnerships and ignore pleas to create civil unions.
- Unleash Maine's private sector to make Maine energy independent.
- End discrimination against private religious schools and homeschools.
This is what gets to me about religion. Under the regime of God, no one is responsible for their actions. Take this example right here--according to this loon, the failure of our economy has nothing to do with the brokers on Wall Street, the horrific lending practices that mortgage companies have adopted, the asinine deregulation of our banks, the self-destructive high taxing of the middle class and the wildly ludicrous policy of trickle-down-economics. Instead, it is all up to God. God is punishing the world for the gays actions. But, the punishment is brought fourth through the actions of people. If this punishment is directly from God, that means that God is the one who crafted this financial crisis. And for that to happen, God would have to be in control of everything that happens. You simply cannot destroy an economy overnight, so every bad decision made by every single person in America is God's will--in order to punish 5% of the population. God, you're a douche!
If that is the case, then my Atheism is solely God's decision. The words I am writing right now are under his control. Why? Because in order for God to have power of the big stuff, he needs to have the power of the small stuff. Fannie Mae going under? It's God's will. The hurricanes that keep killing people? It's God's will. The kidnapped tourists? It's God's will. The Iraq War? It's God's will.
People, can we all agree that is stupid? You and I are in charge of our actions. We are human beings with the mental capacity to make rational decisions for our life. In order for God to have any sort of power whatsoever, we could not have free will. And thus, this financial crisis is not a punishment on a small sect of Americans--it is the result of bad decisions by bad Americans. It's time we stopped looking for someone to blame and start looking for how we are going to fix this.









