Repost: "Separate and Equal."

It's finals week and I'm cramming like WHOA, but something made me think of this post from a year-and-a-half ago, and I wanted to re-share it with all of you. Enjoy.

(Originally written on November 6th, 2008 after Proposition 8 passed in California)

This is a contract between Gay America and Christian America.

Since I am gay and thus a second-class American citizen, I have a proposal. After watching the "love of Christ" in California with the hateful, anti-family, anti-American, bigoted, fear-mongering, deceptive and downright evil Proposition 8, I'll give in--fine. You win. I am just fine being a second-class citizen. I will never ask to be viewed as "equal" in the eyes of the states. I will never fight for my right to marry, or to adopt children, or to serve in the military. I will make my life completely separate from yours.

But I want you to stop living off of the fruits of my labor.

Since you value-voting Christians tell me that I am dirty heathen undeserving of the right to a happy marriage and children of my own, I'm going to stop paying for your schools. I'll do the math and figure out how much Franklin County gives to our schools here, and I'll be deducting that from my taxes. Since roughly 30 million Americans are gay, I doubt the schools will notice the few billion dollars they lose.

Now I work in a restaurant, so if you happen to be in my station, let's work something out from here--don't tip me, because you won't be getting service from me. I will not answer questions about the menu. I will not greet your table. You can get your own drinks. The computer system is pretty easy to navigate, so once you're ready to order just walk up and start punching the items in. (Don't make a mistake, though! You'll have to pay for that if you do.) And there are a few soda machines throughout the restaurant, so you should be fine topping off your own Diet Coke.

When your son knocks on my door and asks me to donate for new uniforms for the basketball team, I hope you'll be prepared to watch the door slam in his face. And when your little Girl Scout tries to sell me cookies, imagine her running back to you crying saying, "He said he won't buy cookies because you hate him!"

Oh, you best believe I won't be buying from them.

Also, as part of this contract, you'll never be able to see a Broadway Show again. Sorry. The symphony is out the window, too. You cannot go to The Ballet, you cannot see Cats for your anniversary again, and you will never be able to even play the Wicked CD in your car. Never. Because, I hope you know, these joys that you delight in are the fruit of gay Americans, and since you do not want to believe those kind of dirty people exist, we'll work it out for you. I'll round us all up and put us on an Island.

We'll call in Manhattan.

You cannot read David Sedaris, Anne Rice, Gregory McGuire, Virginia Woolf, Emily Dickinson, Christopher Rice, Truman Capote, Oscar Wilde or Walt Whitman. You cannot listen to Tchaikovsky, N'Sync, Clay Aiken, The Village People, Luther Vandross, Melissa Etheridge, or Jean Baptiste Lully. And I'm sure Cher and Madonna will make it so you can't listen to their music, either.

Also, do you remember the fundamental Keynes Economic Theory? A major foundation of the American economy? You'll have to give that back, too, since he was a big old fag.

You cannot watch Will and Grace, The Simpsons, Ugly Betty, South Park, Sex and the City, 30 Rock, Arrested Development, Sordid Lives, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Brothers & Sisters, Six Feet Under, Ellen, Dawson's Creek or The View. In fact, you might as well turn off your television and never watch it again, since the gays pretty much run the media too.

And your children can never read Harry Potter, since Dumbledore is gay too.

When you buy your new big house in the suburbs and you're looking for the best interior designers, your quest is going to be awfully long. When you're sick and the Doctor tells you, "so sorry, not you,", it's going to be a painful extra few hours sitting in the waiting room. And if war ever comes to this country, I hope you know, and that your children know, that I will do nothing to help you. I won't sign up to serve and protect you. I won't even shed a tear.

You win. We will leave you alone. Gay America will disappear. This is what you wanted.

Or is it?

Protest The H8.

This Saturday, all over the nation, in every major city in America, there will be a protest held against the passing of Proposition 8. This is your chance to stand publicly amongst your community (even if you're not gay! You support us, you're family!). This is your time to tell Ohio that you are not ok with an entire class of Americans standing as separate and still not equal. This is an incredible time to be gay in America.

I encouraged everyone in the Columbus region to come to City Hall on Saturday at 1:30 to protest. The address is 90 West Broad St., Columbus, OH 43215. The permit has been approved and the rally is set to go.

Similar protests will be going on in Cleveland, Cincinnati, Dayton and Youngstown. If you're not in Ohio, click the very first link in this post and find where your city is protesting.

Remember all those ads saying, "Psst! Do Something."? Here's your chance.

Teacher's Love The Gays!

Half the country might not think we're humans, but at least teachers love us--and love us a lot they do! They just donated $1 Million to oppose Proposition 8, the measure that would eliminate the current right for homosexuals to marry in California.

For just a day, I would love to have the ability to take a right from the haters. Nothing big. I'm not cruel like that. But, let's say something like right-hand turns. Small and insignificant. Not a human rights issue, such as the right to a family, happiness or liberty, but something ordinary and easily forgotten. I wonder how these millions and millions of people would function without something that is so ingrained into their routine they don't even recognize it's there? Just imagine an entire day where you cannot turn right, at all--not on a bike, not in a car and not even when walking. Everywhere you went, you could only go left. Wouldn't that be problematic? I'd love to see Grand Central in NYC or Michigan Avenue in Chicago. It would be utter chaos.

And that's just one day. Now, imagine what it's like to spend your whole life knowing that you will never be considered 'equal'. Every person you ever meet will judge you. You'll always be looked down upon from your co-workers, family, even your friends. You'll change your voice at work so you don't seem 'different'. People will always make excuses for you because of your sexuality. "He dresses well because he's gay" or "he smells good because he's gay" or "he's flamboyant because he's gay". You'll never be considered just you; instead, you'll always be someone's "gay friend", almost as if you were an accessory. And religious nuts will tell you, almost on a daily basis, that God hates you and will send you to burn forever in hell.

And then imagine having your entire country tell you that you cannot fight for them in the armed forces. Then try to live knowing you can never give blood to help those in need. You cannot adopt the millions of children who do not have a home. You can't even ask the person you love, "will you marry me?"

Voting 'yes' on Proposition 8 only says, "yes, this is ok". It's not a religious issue or a moral issue--it's an issue over decency. Can we not agree that loving couples should be able to own property together, to share health care services and to hold each other's hands as they lay dying? I would never vote to take that right from anyone in this country. Why would you vote for it to be taken away from me?

System. Interrupted. Malfunction.

Lordy, "prease jesus a,men"?

Oh, and can we talk about how weird it is? Seriously.

(Via Good As You)

Gay Bodybuilder Eats Trick.

Jiminy Crickets! Who eats a guy from the bar?

Anthony Morley, 36, a former Mr. Gay UK, is on trial in Leeds for the murder of Damian Oldfield, 33, whose thigh he allegedly cooked and ate afterwards.

Morley, a former chef, is said to have taken Oldfield home, had sex with him, and then cut his throat and stabbed him to death on April 23. Prosecuting attorney Andrew Stubbs, who characterized Morley as "troubled" by his sexuality, said, "Having killed him upstairs, the defendant carved away a piece of flesh, took it downstairs to his kitchen, where he seasoned it, fried it, and tried to eat it."

He's supposedly a bodybuilder...and he's frying the guy's thigh? Come on! I'd at least expect him to grill it. Or, at worst, broil the sucker. Gotta save on the calories!

Another Reason Gays Choose to Be Gay!

See, just another reason Gays choose their lifestyle: threats of murder! I mean, wouldn't you want to be hated by more than half of your country? Wouldn't you want to be a marginalized and brushed aside part of the population, only important when politicians want to win an election off of people's hatred of you? Wouldn't you prefer to be the victim of a hate crime--a crime specifically against you because you chose to be gay?

Choosing to be gay is the life! This is what I've always dreamed of! Gosh, all those straighties just have no idea what they're missing. After reading a lovely piece like this, I'm just so glad I chose to be gay!

(Via Good.As.You.)

I Prefer To Be Called A "Non-Eater".

I never really was an eater. I mean, honestly, is it even natural? Look all around you, and it's clear--nowhere in nature does anything eat! Dogs, Horses, Cats, Zebras, Elephants, Dolphins, Turtles...nope. None of them eat!

On top of that, eating is expensive. Have you been to a restaurant recently? (I know I haven't!) Prices are soaring through the roof, and portion sizes aren't looking like it's worth what you're paying (not that I would know, of course).

Eating is also so time-consuming! As a student, I simply do not have three times a day to stop what I'm doing and begin gourging on something that is unnecessary in the first place.

So what did I do? Well, I did what every sane person would do--I stopped eating! That's right, I just shut my mouth and found other things to do. It only took maybe three weeks of involuntarily shaking and chunks of hair falling out before I began to realize that, maybe, eating is necessary.

So when I saw that some loons out in California are going to starve themselves for 40 days in order to "save marriage"...I said, "Well, more power to them! If they can do it, then maybe there is some truth to this non-eating lifestyle. Perhaps I can finally be at my goal weight--67 pounds!" (I know, even that's a bit on the hefty side).

So, Pastors and crazy loons in California, let me know how it goes. I'm currently 150 pounds, but I've always dreamed of being so emaciated I needed help up the stairs. Can you please let me know if after 40 days of fasting you're thin as a rail? Will you look like a crack addict on Sunday? Will you be so thin people will say, "I just loved your work in Schindler's List!"? If any of the above happens, get back to me! I want to be thin enough that Jesus looks beyond the gay thing and finally loves me!

Oh, and if you pass out and die, thus not allowing you to vote for Proposition 8? Well, it's God's Will.

I'm Not That Shocked.

Look, Clay Aiken appearing on the cover of People Magazine saying, "Yes, I'm Gay", is like Ruben Studdard showing up on the cover of Time saying, "Yes, I'm Black".

McCain: It Was the Gays Who Tortured Me!

Oh, sometimes it just hurts to read what John McCain says.

In a recent 12,000-word statement about his "torture"* in North Vietnam, John McCain had the following to say about his treatment on the other side of the world:

"Some guards would just come in and do their job. When they were told to beat you they would come in and do it. Some seemed to get a big bang out of it. A lot of them were homosexual, although never toward us. Some, who were pretty damned sadistic, seemed to get a big thrill out of the beatings."

So, there you have it. The gays tortured him. Those silly homos! Is that why they call everything "fierce"?

*(Now, I say "tortured", because according to John McCain himself, his torture methods included sleep deprivation, beatings, stress positions, long-time standing and the refusal for medical care. According to The United States and how we treat our prisoners, John McCain was not tortured. We do this on a daily basis to our prisoners, and we actually use worse tactics in certain situations. The Bush Administration continues to claim that we do not torture our prisoners. And thus, if that is true, John McCain was never tortured.)

Gay Metropolitans in America.

There's been this myth circulated that Columbus is one of the highest gay-populated cities in The United States. I've heard it so many times at the bar, "Columbus has the highest gay population per capita in the country! It's the San Fran of The Midwest!" While it is true that Columbus is a very liberal city with a great and booming gay population, the numbers don't really support that "Top 3" number I've heard so many people throw around.

According to research at UCLA -- Law, San Francisco remains the gay mecca it's generally been heralded. Here is the list of the largest gay populations in America per capita:

(% of total population/estimated total GLBT population)

1. San Francisco :
   
• 8.2% / 256,311
2. Seattle :
   
• 6.5% / 154,835
3. Boston:
• 6.2% / 201,344
4. Portland:
• 6.1% / 94,027
5. Tampa
• 5.9% / 119,044
  
6. Austin
• 5.9% / 61,732
7. Denver
• 5.8% / 99,626
  
8. Minneapolis
• 5.7% / 130,472
9. Orlando
• 5.7% / 81,272
10. Hartford
• 5.6% / 49,000
11. Sacramento
• 5.5% / 81,759
12. Columbus
• 5.5% / 66,300
  

As you can see, we're not even in the top ten (although Minneapolis is!). You'll also notice that New York, Chicago, Atlanta or Washington DC (usually considered the Gay cities) are not listed in the top either. This data is in consideration of the entire metropolitan, not just the cities themselves. Therefore, I think discrepancies could be argued since Columbus' metropolitan area includes places such as Marion, Plain City and Lancaster, notoriously conservative small towns. When compared to Boston's Metropolitan, which is surrounded by very liberal Cambridge and Quincy, it's hard to gauge the exact city themselves, since downtown Columbus and The Short North are gayer than a drag queen singing Liza.

When you look at that list, that's really the whole gamut. You've got coast-to-coast(Seattle-Hartford), South (Austin), Midwestern (Columbus), Northeastern (Boston), Northern-Midwest (Minneapolis), West (Denver)...it really shows the spectrum of gays in this country. Looks like what they say is really true--gays are people, too! They're not just an illusion nor a media creation!

What hit the rock bottom of the gay city list? Pittsburgh. 2.8% of their population is estimated to be gay. I guess they don't call it "The Rust Belt" for nothing, right?

No, I'm Not Going.

Friends, things just aren't the same in Wisconsin. Why? Because those damned homosexuals are invading and making normal people uncomfortable. Why, they're so uncomfortable that Nancy of Eau Claire feels it is necessary to write the local paper begging the gays to crawl back into the closet. Things are just so out-of-control that children are learning that homosexuals are real people. This is an outrage! Why, we can't let this happen! And thus, Nancy wrote a letter. Here is a sample of that touching letter from Nancy of Eau Claire, Wisconsin...

If someone is gay, why can't they keep it private, confined to their homes? I don't hate gay people, just the lifestyle; it's not natural. They and their mates should have the same rights as any couple (man and woman) to have insurance on each other, to be able to care for the other if ill, all but the marriage vows. It just isn't what God intended to be the norm.

They have the right to life and pursuit of happiness like anyone else, but the line should be drawn at same-sex marriages. They are still human beings and should be treated as such, and I definitely do not wish to harm these folks in any way. There is no reason to beat them or kill them like what has happened in the past. We have a right to say how we feel, but not to take it upon ourselves to punish them. This is their choice, not ours. They will have to answer to God, not us.

Honey, have I got news for you. We ain't going anywhere. You can beg and plead with us, but we'll keep on singing. You can write your letters and hold your rallies, but we'll still keep pounding our feet. You can huddle in the safety of your churches and cling to your banal idea of "family", but that won't stop us from prancing. You can protest, march, yell, scream...but we're here to stay. We're Americans, just like you. We're Doctors, Lawyers, Businessmen, firefighters, farmers, police officers and, yes, we're even even Ministers. We work in restaurants, in hair salons, in gas stations, in warehouses, in schools, in churches, in supermarkets, in hospitals, in bars and, yes, we even work for the Government. We walk the same streets as you, we love our families just like you do and we even salute the same flag as you do. I'm here to tell you to stop looking at us as if we're different, as if we're beneath you. Nancy, you and I are equals. Nancy, we are all equals.

But, Nancy, the most important thing I have to tell you is this--I love you. Yes, that's right, I'm talking to the person who just said I am an aberrant homosexual. I'm talking to the person who just told me she'd rather me hide in the closet than have to bother her with my well-kept hair and my proper diction. I'm talking to the person who said I chose this lifestyle, that it's against the norm, it's unwelcome, unwanted and frankly not even attractive. I'm talking to the person who said she hates me, and here I am going to say it again: I love you, Nancy, because one day, you'll also see that we're equals. And when that day comes, I hope you remember that it was I who love others and treated everyone with kindness...not you.