Friday, August 1, 2008

She Has Lost Her Way.

Folks, I have just lost a little more faith in America. What you're about to read is real. When I first read it literally laughed out loud because it was so pitifully stupid that I genuinely thought it was satire! After corresponding with the author, it turns out this is indeed real.

I'm frightened. Not because it's anti-liberal or anti-Barack, I'm deeply fearful since this is the future of our nation. This is what people are bred to believe. This drivel is so painful that I'm worried for our tomorrow.

And now, the list...

10 Reasons Not to Like Obama
1. He wants to tax the rich 50% on their income tax.
2. He wants to give money to the poorer people who have done nothing to earn it while the rich deserve every penny they get.
3. He wants to pull troops out of Iraq and embarrass America.
4. "Hope" and "change" are the only words in his dictionary.
5. He fully supports abortion, which is the deliberate and heinous murder of a baby.
6. He is against the death penalty. It is a fact that it costs less to kill someone rather than keep them in jail.
7. He was recently voted the most liberal senator in the Senate, while Hillary was voted 16th and McCain in the fifties. He is so far left-wing that even Hillary doesn't sound too bad to true conservatives like me.
8. He has three years of real experience. He has never really had much experience, being that the last two years he has campaigned for the presidency. He has no leadership skill as well.
9. He cannot control his wife Michelle, who recently said that "This is the first time I have ever been proud of America." At least other candidates can keep their wives out of the spotlight.
10.He has no military experience. In order to run for the Presidency of the United States, you need to be involved with the military. The USMC is the reason that this country is, indeed, a country. Barack does not know what it is like to be in the field of war and therefore does not need the presidency to add to his blank resume.

Oh God...number one is just too funny! " them 50% on their income tax!" That was the kicker for me. If Barack Obama were to tax them "50% on their income tax" he'd in effect being taxing them double, since he'd be taxing their tax! The sentence should have read: "He wants to tax the rich an income tax of 50%". Semantic, I know, but none the less it shows a little trail of lunacy.

Number two is just...weird. I mean, I'm a full capitalist and all, but it sounds like this guy hates the poor people or something!

Number three is making me twitch it's so funny! "Don't worry folks, never in the history of the world has America been embarrased! NEVER! NOT ONCE! That is.....unless that evil Muslim-atheist-blackman-homosexual-druglord BARACK OBAMA gets into office. Then, for the first time America will be embarrassed."
"...what's that? Are you saying America should have been embarrased when she went antithetical to the world's largest peace rally, begging us not to go to war with Iraq? Oh, and are you saying we should have been embarrassed when the United Nations begged us not to go to war too? And are you saying America should have been embarrassed when she re-elected the worst President in the history of the nation?"
"...No comment."

Number four doesn't even really make sense. Who cares if he uses those words a lot--they're his campaign slogans for Christ sake!

When I read number five I began giggling...murder of baby? Who is this nutcase? I'm not debating when life begins, I'm just saying it's almost as funny as the creepy baby cake I posted previously! This dude is WEIRD.

Number six just isn't true. And it's kind of cute, isn't it? "Save the fetuses, their life is precious and cannot be destroyed. BUT KILL THE CRIMINALS! They aren't human." What nefarious lunatic would say that human life comes down to cost? I myself am entirely lacking of a heart--wait, not true, I have a heart: it's black, cold and only beats three times a year--but even in this case I would never say, "Kill em' all so we can save the money to go kill more people in Iraq. BUT SAVE THE BABIES!!!" When I found out this list wasn't a joke, this number right here was the one that riled me up.

Seven is just so awkward since they don't even mention who voted them in those positions. I mean, shouldn't they mention a source? Or where they heard it from? Or who they heard may or may not have written about it? I mean, I may as well say "John McCain was voted the most conservative Republican" and leave it at that! Dude, if you're reading this, listen: You can't just make a claim and say "they" said it. You have to say who "they" are, you blind baffoon!

Eight is what really made me think this was a joke. If he has "no leadership skill" did he get 200,000 people in Berlin to come see him? Was it just a coincidence? "Black man happens to get on large stage and 200,000 pedestrians happened to stop and listen." No, you dimwitted fool! He is where he is today because he has leadership skill. (And not "leadership skills". No no no, we can't get all caught up with that "grammar" horse shit).

Nine was the one. After reading this one, I was absolutely and utterly convinced that this list was satire. To begin, the quote is egregiously wrong.

"This is the first time I have ever been proud of America." -Their quote
"For the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country." -Actual quote

Now, you may say I'm being nitpicky. "Same difference, man!" No, not really. They omit the " my adult life" and the adverb "really". Those are key. Why? Because their quote changes it to "I've never been proud of Amurikkka!" when in reality, she is saying, "Look, things haven't been very good in the past few years...but, finally, America is coming back." Ladies and gentlemen, that is a huge difference. As a sidenote, in all honesty, in my adult life I have yet to be proud of my country. I've only been an adult for 5 years, and they've been shitty under this current administration. We've seen America plummet from the country that challenged the world to the joke-of-a-nation that won't even bother caring for its own citizens. And I'm supposed to be proud of that? Fuck blind obediance. I'll never step in line, chant some dilapidated and over-used words while staring at a flag, all in some collective mean of "country pride". No. I love my country, and I'll be proud of her when she gets back on her feet and realizes what it really means to be the land of the free.

Oh, and if you're talking about keeping candidates out the spotlight, can we talk pill-popping Cindy McCain? Yeah, I said it.

Ok, back to the list. The list ends with such lunacy that I was *literally* laughing out loud. "The USMC is the reason that this country is, indeed, a country." Folks, there you have it. Our country is not about our hard working men and women. It is not about the inventions we create, the buildings we erect, the books we write nor the movies we film. Our country has nothing to do with global finance, international fashion nor our feats in engineering and technology. We exist simply to flex our biceps and make small nations whimper in fear. We exist only to take a breathe and leave the rest of the world gasping to watch our next move. The USMC is the only reason we are even a country, so pick up your goddamn guns and start shooting up a high school or a church. Why, those are the only real patriots in this country! They know the true meaning of what is it to be an Amurikan. Apparently, the only true Americans are those who rich old white men who make over 7 digits a year, have a rifle collection, savor every penny they can scrounge up and keep their wives locked silenced in closet. The only real Americans are those who have no heart and would sooner kill off a deviant than bother having to fix them. The only true Americans are those who straighten up and fly right by putting on bricks for sunglasses and saying, "Nope! Nothing is wrong with America. She's never been embarrassed, no one has ever hated her, the economy has never been better and George Dubya Bush is the best President that ever existed!!! God Bless America (but not the other countries!)!"

I wonder what's it like to be one of those, oh, 14 people in this country. The other 299,999,986 need to get the hell outta this country, them hatin' lie-barals!!! Them ain't AMURIKANS!!!